He is exhausted.
Mentally exhausted.
Emotionally exhausted.
Spiritually exhausted.
Its near the end of his shift.
A full long day in the customer service department
Answering phones, answering questions
Fielding complaints, fielding grievances
Problem solving and doing his best to make things right
or at least better than they were before.
But tonight, he doesn't want to go home.
He doesn't want to go to his four silent walls
Trapping him within a seemingly endless cycle of
distractions and tasks and other things to avoid
Tonight, he doesn't want to go home
But he doesn't know where he wants to go
or what to do
or anything.
He is exhausted.
Taking care of peoples needs
and satisfying peoples wants
as each one comes in the door,
states their purpose
and then walks out the door again,
Sometimes happy, other times not.
Always listening to what is wrong
Everything is always wrong
He just wants things to be right
That's not too much to ask, is it?
What is right?
What is wrong?
It's all become a big confusing blur
of emotions and influences and inputs
and voices and sounds and people and noises
screaming and yelling and claiming anything and everything
just to protect their piece of the world
no matter what it does to anyone else's piece of the world.
Have we really become this divided?
Have we really become this isolated?
Have we really become this way?
Has he become this way?
Is there anyone else that feels the same way?
Is there anyone else headed the same way?
He wonders. And wanders.
He looks at the clock
and the seconds tick away ever so slowly
Wishing that the end of this day could come quicker
Only to face the beginning of this night.
He is unsure
Mentally unsure
Emotionally unsure
Spiritually unsure,
Unsure and exhausted.
Is it time?
Is it time to clock out?
It is time to begin the journey home?
Or to wherever else the road may pull him?
Is it time?
Is it time to leave it all behind?
Is it time to leave them all behind?
Is it time to head outward to face inward?
Is it time to face outward to head inward?
Is it time to rest?
Is it time to sleep?
Is it time to sit?
Is it time to stand?
Is it time to be awake?
Is it time to look? Or see?
Is it time to listen? Or hear?
Is anyone there?
He looks at the clock.
And the seconds tick away,
still ever so slowly
and steadily
He is unsure.
And exhausted.
But it's not quite time...or is it?
Sometimes I Wonder (Part 2)
Where do I stand?
A thousand waves crash against the shore
Blown to and fro by winds gusting from every direction
Pulled back and forth by the full moon floating in the sky
Fading in and out behind the clouds
Casting shadows in the darkness...
And I wonder...
What does this all mean?
Where is this all headed?
Where am I headed?
What am I doing?
Besides sitting here, thinking and pondering,
and reflecting
much like the moon on the surface of the ocean.
Where do I stand?
A thousand miles away from anywhere
I don't know where the last somewhere was
I don't know where the next somewhere is
Looking around at the shadows in the darkness
Closing my eyes in order to be able to see...
And I wonder...
Sometimes I wonder
(as I wrote long long ago)
And I still wonder...
Where do I stand?
A thousand forces pushing and pulling
and turning and twisting and shoving and yanking
and grabbing and grasping and clutching
and it's not letting go
I just want to let go
And it's hard to wonder;
So hard to wonder...
Where do I stand?
A thousand different voices screaming and shouting
I don't know what you're saying
I don't know what I'm hearing
I don't know what I'm saying
I don't hear what I'm saying
I don't hear what I'm thinking
sunrises and sunsets and the clouds and stars in between
harmonies and melodies and the notes and rhythms in between
onward and upward and forward
the time is not right but time is time
And dark is dark
And light is light
And silence is
Golden.
Quiet.
Stillness.
Peace.
Peace admidst the chaos
and clutter
and the distractions
and it's time to let go
and it's time to go
and it's time
it's time
time.
A thousand waves crash against the shore
Blown to and fro by winds gusting from every direction
Pulled back and forth by the full moon floating in the sky
Fading in and out behind the clouds
Casting shadows in the darkness...
And I wonder...
What does this all mean?
Where is this all headed?
Where am I headed?
What am I doing?
Besides sitting here, thinking and pondering,
and reflecting
much like the moon on the surface of the ocean.
Where do I stand?
A thousand miles away from anywhere
I don't know where the last somewhere was
I don't know where the next somewhere is
Looking around at the shadows in the darkness
Closing my eyes in order to be able to see...
And I wonder...
Sometimes I wonder
(as I wrote long long ago)
And I still wonder...
Where do I stand?
A thousand forces pushing and pulling
and turning and twisting and shoving and yanking
and grabbing and grasping and clutching
and it's not letting go
I just want to let go
And it's hard to wonder;
So hard to wonder...
Where do I stand?
A thousand different voices screaming and shouting
I don't know what you're saying
I don't know what I'm hearing
I don't know what I'm saying
I don't hear what I'm saying
I don't hear what I'm thinking
sunrises and sunsets and the clouds and stars in between
harmonies and melodies and the notes and rhythms in between
onward and upward and forward
the time is not right but time is time
And dark is dark
And light is light
And silence is
Golden.
Quiet.
Stillness.
Peace.
Peace admidst the chaos
and clutter
and the distractions
and it's time to let go
and it's time to go
and it's time
it's time
time.
Is This The End?
Is this the end?
Is it all over?
Are we past the point of no return?
Is there no place else to turn?
Do we say goodbye?
Should we lie down on the ground?
And stare up at the stars?
Have we lost our way?
Disconnected from the past?
Is there no hope for the future?
When did we begin?
Where were we going...
...before we became lost?
Here we are.
We are here.
Somewhere.
Nowhere.
Anywhere?
Not back there.
And not up there, either.
Just here.
Anywhere.
Nowhere.
Somewhere.
Here.
Was that the end?
Was it all over?
Or is this just the beginning?
Were we past the point of no return?
Was there no place else to turn?
Or is the entire world in front of us?
Did we say goodbye?
Or are we saying hello?
Did we lie down on the ground?
And stare up at the stars?
Will we stand up as tall as the world?
And look up at the sun?
Have we found our way?
Still connected to the past?
With new hope for the future?
When will we begin?
Where can we go...
...now that we're found?
We are here.
Here we are.
Just here.
Somewhere.
Anywhere.
Everywhere.
Is it all over?
Are we past the point of no return?
Is there no place else to turn?
Do we say goodbye?
Should we lie down on the ground?
And stare up at the stars?
Have we lost our way?
Disconnected from the past?
Is there no hope for the future?
When did we begin?
Where were we going...
...before we became lost?
Here we are.
We are here.
Somewhere.
Nowhere.
Anywhere?
Not back there.
And not up there, either.
Just here.
Anywhere.
Nowhere.
Somewhere.
Here.
Was that the end?
Was it all over?
Or is this just the beginning?
Were we past the point of no return?
Was there no place else to turn?
Or is the entire world in front of us?
Did we say goodbye?
Or are we saying hello?
Did we lie down on the ground?
And stare up at the stars?
Will we stand up as tall as the world?
And look up at the sun?
Have we found our way?
Still connected to the past?
With new hope for the future?
When will we begin?
Where can we go...
...now that we're found?
We are here.
Here we are.
Just here.
Somewhere.
Anywhere.
Everywhere.
I'm A Star!
Look at me!
I'm a star!
Everyone says that I'm wonderful,
and I am!
I'm the best there is.
I have to be.
What else do I have if I'm not the best?
And if you don't say that I'm the best,
I'm gonna scream and pout and demand that you tell me
that I'm the best.
I need to know that I'm the best,
(even though I know that I am).
I mean, I am, right?
I don't know what I'd do if I found out
that I wasn't.
But that's not going to happen, right?
Because I just know it.
I think I do, anyway.
Now look at me!
I'm a star, again!
And I don't need you.
Besides, who needs you, anyway?
I don't.
(Do I?)
Go away.
(But please stay.)
I don't like you and your kind, anyway,
telling me things I don't want to hear
(but might need to).
You're wrong.
And ugly.
And worthless.
And, and, and...
NOW LOOK AT ME!
I'm an EVEN BIGGER STAR!
Because I deserve to be!
When I look at you,
down there,
you can't possibly understand what it's like to be
as great as me!
That's what I put you down there.
I placed you down there,
with all of the other people like you
who look at me with your inattentive eyes
opening my wounds
and tearing down the walls built out of denial
and reinforced by attention.
You don't know me!
And you're jealous!
Jealous of my stardom...
LOOK! LOOK AT ME!
I'm an even different star!
My whole world depends on it.
And I will do anything and everything possible
to convince you (me) that I am.
I'm already worldwide!
I've been broadcast globally,
my voice and my face and my status,
Five stars and viral and liked
endlessly,
beyond my wildest dreams (reality),
and once you've reached where I am,
you'll see that
there's nothing better than this.
Nothing better at all.
As I look around.
And wonder where I am.
And wonder who I am.
And wonder what to do next.
And wonder where to go.
Because that didn't work.
Nor that.
Or THAT.
Or EVEN THAT!!
All my stars, fallen by the wayside.
One by one, they've disappeared,
covered by clouds hiding
the brightness of the moon.
Don't look at me.
Look at my stars,
sitting back there,
hovering close to the horizon,
dropping lower and lower.
DON'T LOOK AT ME!
I'M A WRECK!
And it's all your fault!
And yours, and yours,
and all of them and them too!
It's not my fault!
I deserve better!
Just you wait and see!
If it wasn't for everyone else
getting in my way,
I'd really be the star
that I'm sure I know for sure
that I think i am,
i hope,
i think.
don't look at me.
please don't look at me.
i wanna hide.
i wanna be left alone.
i can't look at you.
i can't bear you looking at me.
i can't look at you looking at me.
don't look at my stars back there.
i want to hide under the blanket of clouds
that has descended over me
darkened my skies
putting a lid over my dreams
trapping me beneath
the shattered raindrops
rushing down my face
washing it all away
reducing me to a puddle of
stardust
flowing away towards
somewhere seemingly distant
and far far away...
but as the rain ends
i look up to the dark night sky
and somewhere not quite so distant
and not so far far away...
...I see the tiniest of lights.
Point me towards the dawn.
Point me towards the morning.
Point me towards the new light,
the sunrise,
so I can open the blinds,
so I can see my own face in the reflection of the window
that I've been hiding behind.
Look at me,
and say hi.
This is me.
No longer a star.
No longer behind walls.
No longer looking down.
No longer
needing
your telescope.
It's time to wake up.
It's time to be me.
I'm a star!
Everyone says that I'm wonderful,
and I am!
I'm the best there is.
I have to be.
What else do I have if I'm not the best?
And if you don't say that I'm the best,
I'm gonna scream and pout and demand that you tell me
that I'm the best.
I need to know that I'm the best,
(even though I know that I am).
I mean, I am, right?
I don't know what I'd do if I found out
that I wasn't.
But that's not going to happen, right?
Because I just know it.
I think I do, anyway.
Now look at me!
I'm a star, again!
And I don't need you.
Besides, who needs you, anyway?
I don't.
(Do I?)
Go away.
(But please stay.)
I don't like you and your kind, anyway,
telling me things I don't want to hear
(but might need to).
You're wrong.
And ugly.
And worthless.
And, and, and...
NOW LOOK AT ME!
I'm an EVEN BIGGER STAR!
Because I deserve to be!
When I look at you,
down there,
you can't possibly understand what it's like to be
as great as me!
That's what I put you down there.
I placed you down there,
with all of the other people like you
who look at me with your inattentive eyes
opening my wounds
and tearing down the walls built out of denial
and reinforced by attention.
You don't know me!
And you're jealous!
Jealous of my stardom...
LOOK! LOOK AT ME!
I'm an even different star!
My whole world depends on it.
And I will do anything and everything possible
to convince you (me) that I am.
I'm already worldwide!
I've been broadcast globally,
my voice and my face and my status,
Five stars and viral and liked
endlessly,
beyond my wildest dreams (reality),
and once you've reached where I am,
you'll see that
there's nothing better than this.
Nothing better at all.
As I look around.
And wonder where I am.
And wonder who I am.
And wonder what to do next.
And wonder where to go.
Because that didn't work.
Nor that.
Or THAT.
Or EVEN THAT!!
All my stars, fallen by the wayside.
One by one, they've disappeared,
covered by clouds hiding
the brightness of the moon.
Don't look at me.
Look at my stars,
sitting back there,
hovering close to the horizon,
dropping lower and lower.
DON'T LOOK AT ME!
I'M A WRECK!
And it's all your fault!
And yours, and yours,
and all of them and them too!
It's not my fault!
I deserve better!
Just you wait and see!
If it wasn't for everyone else
getting in my way,
I'd really be the star
that I'm sure I know for sure
that I think i am,
i hope,
i think.
don't look at me.
please don't look at me.
i wanna hide.
i wanna be left alone.
i can't look at you.
i can't bear you looking at me.
i can't look at you looking at me.
don't look at my stars back there.
i want to hide under the blanket of clouds
that has descended over me
darkened my skies
putting a lid over my dreams
trapping me beneath
the shattered raindrops
rushing down my face
washing it all away
reducing me to a puddle of
stardust
flowing away towards
somewhere seemingly distant
and far far away...
but as the rain ends
i look up to the dark night sky
and somewhere not quite so distant
and not so far far away...
...I see the tiniest of lights.
Point me towards the dawn.
Point me towards the morning.
Point me towards the new light,
the sunrise,
so I can open the blinds,
so I can see my own face in the reflection of the window
that I've been hiding behind.
Look at me,
and say hi.
This is me.
No longer a star.
No longer behind walls.
No longer looking down.
No longer
needing
your telescope.
It's time to wake up.
It's time to be me.
Cloud Life
Drifting along
Lazily
Sun on my back
The wind guiding me ever so slightly
eastward
looking down at the world
gliding effortlessly
steadily
until I reach the ocean
where the blue sky meets the blue water
where the waves greet me
I've reached my home
The last of my vapor fades away;
a soft, breezy,
wispy
quiet
end.
Lazily
Sun on my back
The wind guiding me ever so slightly
eastward
looking down at the world
gliding effortlessly
steadily
until I reach the ocean
where the blue sky meets the blue water
where the waves greet me
I've reached my home
The last of my vapor fades away;
a soft, breezy,
wispy
quiet
end.
45, 46
45.
Just another stop on the path.
Just another step on the way.
Just another breath or two, or three.
What a strange trip it's been.
Hills and valleys, again and again.
Twist and turns and ups and downs
and yet I trudge on.
It's good to look back, sometimes.
But not for long.
and not that often.
It's about what lies ahead
what stands in front
off in the distance
just beyond the next bend,
or the one after that,
or maybe the one after that?
Who knows?
No one knows.
Knowing isn't the point.
It's about exploring.
Testing, feeling, experiencing.
No matter whether light of day,
or dark of night;
In the clearest of days,
or the thickest of fogs,
so thick that I can't count my five fingers
as I hold them in front of my face;
one step
one single step
one uncertain yet necessary yet promising yet fearful yet exciting yet nervous yet calm step
at a time.
I try to peek ahead.
All I see are trees.
And a path
my path
a narrow path
as it curves off in the not-too-far distance.
It's good to look ahead, sometimes.
But not for long,
not for long indeed.
It's about where I am.
It's about where I've been.
It's about where I'm going.
It's about why I am.
It's about why I've been.
It's about why I'm going.
It's about who I am.
It's about who I've been.
It's about who I'm going (to be).
Time for the next step.
46.
Just another stop on the path.
Just another step on the way.
Just another breath or two, or three.
What a strange trip it's been.
Hills and valleys, again and again.
Twist and turns and ups and downs
and yet I trudge on.
It's good to look back, sometimes.
But not for long.
and not that often.
It's about what lies ahead
what stands in front
off in the distance
just beyond the next bend,
or the one after that,
or maybe the one after that?
Who knows?
No one knows.
Knowing isn't the point.
It's about exploring.
Testing, feeling, experiencing.
No matter whether light of day,
or dark of night;
In the clearest of days,
or the thickest of fogs,
so thick that I can't count my five fingers
as I hold them in front of my face;
one step
one single step
one uncertain yet necessary yet promising yet fearful yet exciting yet nervous yet calm step
at a time.
I try to peek ahead.
All I see are trees.
And a path
my path
a narrow path
as it curves off in the not-too-far distance.
It's good to look ahead, sometimes.
But not for long,
not for long indeed.
It's about where I am.
It's about where I've been.
It's about where I'm going.
It's about why I am.
It's about why I've been.
It's about why I'm going.
It's about who I am.
It's about who I've been.
It's about who I'm going (to be).
Time for the next step.
46.
A Photo Sits On A Shelf
A photo sits on a shelf
in an empty quiet room
collecting dust
and passing time.
It's a beautiful shot
of a blurred waterfall
deep in a wooded forest
and it sits
nicely framed
a thousand words disappearing into thin air
flowing into the silence of the empty room.
It was a centerpiece
just for a moment;
The spotlight of nature
brightening the mood
of anyone who gazed into its very soul.
But that was some time ago
When the room had many visitors
Some looking for inspiration,
Others surprised at what they found.
Some stayed for years,
Others just passing through.
But as time marches on
and life speeds up
on it's ever quickening pace to find
whatever it is it's looking for...
...this one
beautiful
inspirational
amazing
snapshot in time
frozen time
with its flowing water
frozen as well
sits there
with all it's beauty,
a reminder of what was
(and really, a reminder of still is
and always be
if one looks hard enough
and searches deep enough...)
As the photo sits in a room
on a shelf
nicely framed,
frozen in time
in a room,
a quiet, empty room,
waiting for the next person
to tell it's thousand-word story...
in an empty quiet room
collecting dust
and passing time.
It's a beautiful shot
of a blurred waterfall
deep in a wooded forest
and it sits
nicely framed
a thousand words disappearing into thin air
flowing into the silence of the empty room.
It was a centerpiece
just for a moment;
The spotlight of nature
brightening the mood
of anyone who gazed into its very soul.
But that was some time ago
When the room had many visitors
Some looking for inspiration,
Others surprised at what they found.
Some stayed for years,
Others just passing through.
But as time marches on
and life speeds up
on it's ever quickening pace to find
whatever it is it's looking for...
...this one
beautiful
inspirational
amazing
snapshot in time
frozen time
with its flowing water
frozen as well
sits there
with all it's beauty,
a reminder of what was
(and really, a reminder of still is
and always be
if one looks hard enough
and searches deep enough...)
As the photo sits in a room
on a shelf
nicely framed,
frozen in time
in a room,
a quiet, empty room,
waiting for the next person
to tell it's thousand-word story...
You Were My Star
You were my star.
You were my beacon,
my point of light,
which guided me through the night.
You were my rainbow,
the splash of color
after the storm had passed.
I counted on you.
I looked for you.
I wished upon you.
And one night, you weren't there.
And one day, you weren't there.
And I was lost.
And I sat down.
Bewildered.
Confused.
Where did you go?
Why did you go?
There's nothing but a black sky.
The wind and the waves and the fog
have me paralyzed
paralyed in fear
fear of not knowing where to go
where to look
where to turn.
I wished upon you, star,
and now I wonder where you are.
And so I sleep.
And dream.
A thousand sunrises and a thousand sunsets
invade my dream
blurring night and day and
the present and the past
until I'm just floating in air
alone
surrounded by
nothing
like I'm trapped in a blank canvas
no sound
no breeze
nothing.
It's calm.
It's peaceful.
It's unsettling.
It's just me.
And a single, tiny, bright light.
Getting brighter and brighter
And warmth.
Slowly increasing warmth.
And then I awake.
The sun is shining on my face.
I look around and ask:
Were you my star?
Or was I your light?
Would you have been my rainbow,
if I wasn't your sun?
Was it time for you to go?
Was it time for me to leave?
As the day turns to night
and the night turns to day,
It is time for me to move forward...
You were my beacon,
my point of light,
which guided me through the night.
You were my rainbow,
the splash of color
after the storm had passed.
I counted on you.
I looked for you.
I wished upon you.
And one night, you weren't there.
And one day, you weren't there.
And I was lost.
And I sat down.
Bewildered.
Confused.
Where did you go?
Why did you go?
There's nothing but a black sky.
The wind and the waves and the fog
have me paralyzed
paralyed in fear
fear of not knowing where to go
where to look
where to turn.
I wished upon you, star,
and now I wonder where you are.
And so I sleep.
And dream.
A thousand sunrises and a thousand sunsets
invade my dream
blurring night and day and
the present and the past
until I'm just floating in air
alone
surrounded by
nothing
like I'm trapped in a blank canvas
no sound
no breeze
nothing.
It's calm.
It's peaceful.
It's unsettling.
It's just me.
And a single, tiny, bright light.
Getting brighter and brighter
And warmth.
Slowly increasing warmth.
And then I awake.
The sun is shining on my face.
I look around and ask:
Were you my star?
Or was I your light?
Would you have been my rainbow,
if I wasn't your sun?
Was it time for you to go?
Was it time for me to leave?
As the day turns to night
and the night turns to day,
It is time for me to move forward...
Just A Storyteller
I'm staring at this blank screen...
I know what I want to write,
but I don't know what to write,
and so I write,
write about not writing...
I have a theme -
a broad theme -
like a wide landscape,
wide and exspansive,
and so I put the camera to my face,
and look through the viewfinder.
What do I want to focus on?
Boxed in to a small rectangle.
Searching around,
up, down, left, right,
far away, up close.
Do I want to highlight those mountains over there?
Or that river down there?
Or the single lone tree, stretching upwards towards the clear blue sky?
What lens do I want?
The wide view?
Or a close up?
Do I want everything in focus?
Or do I want to focus in on just one thing?
Yes.
I want all of it.
I want all views.
I want all angles.
I want the mountains and the river and the tree;
Separated and together;
Isolated and intertwined;
Highlighting the individual beauty
and the natural interaction of it all.
And so I turn off my brain
and turn on my soundtrack,
and click (write) (feel) (absorb) (see) (listen) away.
What will be will be.
This is what I see.
This is what I hear.
What do you see?
What do you hear?
Is it the same?
Or is it something different?
Either way and any way,
it's all right,
and it's alright.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
and we all have different eyes;
Different beautiful eyes,
and the truth lies in the collective.
I am just a storyteller,
A thousand words at a time,
And a few written words here and there as well;
And it's all beautiful,
and it's all magical,
and it's all meant to be.
I know what I want to write,
but I don't know what to write,
and so I write,
write about not writing...
I have a theme -
a broad theme -
like a wide landscape,
wide and exspansive,
and so I put the camera to my face,
and look through the viewfinder.
What do I want to focus on?
Boxed in to a small rectangle.
Searching around,
up, down, left, right,
far away, up close.
Do I want to highlight those mountains over there?
Or that river down there?
Or the single lone tree, stretching upwards towards the clear blue sky?
What lens do I want?
The wide view?
Or a close up?
Do I want everything in focus?
Or do I want to focus in on just one thing?
Yes.
I want all of it.
I want all views.
I want all angles.
I want the mountains and the river and the tree;
Separated and together;
Isolated and intertwined;
Highlighting the individual beauty
and the natural interaction of it all.
And so I turn off my brain
and turn on my soundtrack,
and click (write) (feel) (absorb) (see) (listen) away.
What will be will be.
This is what I see.
This is what I hear.
What do you see?
What do you hear?
Is it the same?
Or is it something different?
Either way and any way,
it's all right,
and it's alright.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
and we all have different eyes;
Different beautiful eyes,
and the truth lies in the collective.
I am just a storyteller,
A thousand words at a time,
And a few written words here and there as well;
And it's all beautiful,
and it's all magical,
and it's all meant to be.
Balance
Right
Wrong
Up
Down
High
Low
Long
Short
Short
Tall
East
West
North
South
Day
Night
Fast
Slow
Empty
Full
Clouds
Sun
Sun
Rain
Rain
Snow
Mad
Happy
Happy
Sad
Mean
Nice
Quiet
Loud
Loud
Soft
Soft
Hard
Hard
Easy
Strong
Weak
Old
New
More
Less
Add
Subtract
Multiply
Divide
Stand
Sit
Rise
Fall
Fall
Spring
Summer
Winter
Hot
Cold
Alone
Together
Together
Apart
Dark
Light
Light
Heavy
Deep
Shallow
Closed
Open
Forget
Remember
Listen
Speak
Learn
Teach
Think
React
Heart
Mind
Start
Finish
Asleep
Awake
Accidental
Intentional
Intentional
Random
Included
Omitted
Read
Write
Hello
Goodbye
Goodbye
Hello
Beginning
End
End
Beginning
Concrete
Abstract
Left
Right
Centered
Balanced
Universe.
Spinning
Spinning
Slowly, then faster
and faster and faster and faster
now out of control
and wobbling
and falling
and falling
and
fallen.
Lying on the ground
The world is still spinning above me
But I can't move
I can't function
I can't get control
Control of anything
My mind, my thoughts, my soul
All lying scattered around me
Tossed aside and upside down
I think.
Let me just lay here for a little while
Not sure what to say
I open my mouth to shout and nothing comes out
My eyes are tired, so I close them
The darkness is still spinning
I don't know how I started spinning
or why
or when
and I don't know where I am
except that I'm lying down
eyes closed
not sure if it's day or night
or how long it's been
Let me just lay here for a little while
Not sure what to do
I open my eyes to see and nothing comes into focus
My mind is tired, so I silence it
The darkness is still spinning
Everything is just a blur
A blur of space and time and consciousness
Days and nights
and storms and rains
and winds
pass
Let me just lay here for a little while
Not sure what to do
Let me soak in the rain, and the wind
Let the night wash everything away
until I am left with nothing
nothing at all
nothing at all except my mind
my thoughts
my soul
coming into clarity
coming into view
as the sun rises and the winds calm
and I open my eyes and the skies are clear
and blue
and I stand up
the darkness is gone
the clouds are off in the distance
someone left a note
it says "You are not alone."
I stand up (steadily) and look around
I am alone.
Or am I?
But my mind and my thoughts and my soul are back with me
picked up off the ground
no longer scattered
no longer tossed aside...
...at least for now.
For I still don't know where I am.
But at least I'm standing.
And the path in front of me is clear.
So off I step...
...towards the horizon...
..until the next storm...
Slowly, then faster
and faster and faster and faster
now out of control
and wobbling
and falling
and falling
and
fallen.
Lying on the ground
The world is still spinning above me
But I can't move
I can't function
I can't get control
Control of anything
My mind, my thoughts, my soul
All lying scattered around me
Tossed aside and upside down
I think.
Let me just lay here for a little while
Not sure what to say
I open my mouth to shout and nothing comes out
My eyes are tired, so I close them
The darkness is still spinning
I don't know how I started spinning
or why
or when
and I don't know where I am
except that I'm lying down
eyes closed
not sure if it's day or night
or how long it's been
Let me just lay here for a little while
Not sure what to do
I open my eyes to see and nothing comes into focus
My mind is tired, so I silence it
The darkness is still spinning
Everything is just a blur
A blur of space and time and consciousness
Days and nights
and storms and rains
and winds
pass
Let me just lay here for a little while
Not sure what to do
Let me soak in the rain, and the wind
Let the night wash everything away
until I am left with nothing
nothing at all
nothing at all except my mind
my thoughts
my soul
coming into clarity
coming into view
as the sun rises and the winds calm
and I open my eyes and the skies are clear
and blue
and I stand up
the darkness is gone
the clouds are off in the distance
someone left a note
it says "You are not alone."
I stand up (steadily) and look around
I am alone.
Or am I?
But my mind and my thoughts and my soul are back with me
picked up off the ground
no longer scattered
no longer tossed aside...
...at least for now.
For I still don't know where I am.
But at least I'm standing.
And the path in front of me is clear.
So off I step...
...towards the horizon...
..until the next storm...
One Night
Darkness and despair
pulling at him
tugging at him
endlessly, constantly,
never ending
Such a dark and rainy night
Not a breeze to be felt
Not a light to be seen
Not a sound to be heard
except the rain
Washing away everything
All thought
All sanity
All feeling
Just rain
and darkness
He sits there
water running into his eyes
and stares out into nothingness
Unaware or anything and everything
Yesterday is just a faint memory
Tomorrow is just a distant joke
The seconds just keep ticking away
One by one, counting down to something,
something that he once knew but forgot some time ago.
Time is a funny thing.
Not ha ha funny, but funny
Every second last exactly the same
and yet some days seem to last seconds and some seconds seem to last days
like this second
never ending, like time is
standing
still
And in that second
that second of unawareness
he becomes aware of his heartbeat
one every second
just as steady
just as quiet
just as lonely
thump
thump
thump
But time is a funny thing
In his seconds of unawareness
he realizes his is aware of those seconds
and those heartbeats
as they synchronize and become one
and he reaches out into the darkness
grasping and clutching for anything
anything at all
but time doesn't end
and neither does his heart
and so he sits there
and waits
for some sign
a spark of light
and wisp of a breeze
anything at all
to remind him that he is not alone
that the darkness serves a purpose
that the rains are there to cleanse
that the mind and the heart and the soul and the seconds all must align together
and that he must become one with himself
and that he must become one with himself
and that he
must become one
with
himself
Here We Are
Here...
we...
are...
Out here...me and...me...
i look over and no one is there,
Not that that's anything different.
The miles keep passing by:
A red light here,
A stop sign there,
Up hill,
downtown
through rainstorms
and sunsets
and sunsets
and sunsets
and grey cloudy overcast misty days
i've lost track of where i am
and where i'm going
but i know i don't want to go back
at least there's that.
But i'm on auto-pilot...
(figuratively)
The windows are down
The music is up
my voice keeps me company
at least when there are words.
my fingers drum the beat of a million miles on the steering wheel,
held straight.
And no one is here
Empty wrappers on the floor
This isn't what i expected
when i set out this way.
Where am i anyway?
Every town looks the same
Quiet, dusty, blinds drawn shut and barely a whisper of a voice
of a dream long floated away
carried away by the smallest of breezes...
The highway took it all away, they say
Four lanes of hustle and bustle and impatience
flying at the speed of sound
in a hurry to get everywhere
but never really getting anywhere
and i'm in their way...
i can't keep up.
Not sure if i really want to, anyway.
i look over for agreement
or even acknowledgement
and the window just stares back at me
expressionless
trees rushing by...
...sigh...
Up ahead - a hitchhiker,
i stop;
i have to;
Standing in the middle of the road.
Thumb out,
not up,
not down,
just out.
It's pouring rain.
"Get in. Where ya headed?"
"I don't really know."
And so we go.
Windshield wipers flailing
furiously
not really keeping up
we sit in silence
concentrating
Together but Alone
Alone but Together
i'm driving on blindly
(almost literally)
on instinct
inching along...
and then -
flashing lights.
ROAD CLOSED
HIGH WATER
so we sit.
The hitchhiker starts talking.
The rain and their words and their tears start pouring
The thunder and their sobs and their screams start pounding
It's relentless and it's relentless
seemingly for days
we're out here on this island
isolated
Ending idling
i've lost track of time
And i listen
And i listen
And i listen
And you're no longer there.
Gone.
i imagined the whole thing
as the rain slows to a light drizzle
and then
two drops
then one
then
nothing.
i've stopped
The air is still
Steam rises from the pavement
It's like i'm in a trance
a fog
and, so
here...
we...
are...
somewhere...me and...me...
we...
are...
Out here...me and...me...
i look over and no one is there,
Not that that's anything different.
The miles keep passing by:
A red light here,
A stop sign there,
Up hill,
downtown
through rainstorms
and sunsets
and sunsets
and sunsets
and grey cloudy overcast misty days
i've lost track of where i am
and where i'm going
but i know i don't want to go back
at least there's that.
But i'm on auto-pilot...
(figuratively)
The windows are down
The music is up
my voice keeps me company
at least when there are words.
my fingers drum the beat of a million miles on the steering wheel,
held straight.
And no one is here
Empty wrappers on the floor
This isn't what i expected
when i set out this way.
Where am i anyway?
Every town looks the same
Quiet, dusty, blinds drawn shut and barely a whisper of a voice
of a dream long floated away
carried away by the smallest of breezes...
The highway took it all away, they say
Four lanes of hustle and bustle and impatience
flying at the speed of sound
in a hurry to get everywhere
but never really getting anywhere
and i'm in their way...
i can't keep up.
Not sure if i really want to, anyway.
i look over for agreement
or even acknowledgement
and the window just stares back at me
expressionless
trees rushing by...
...sigh...
Up ahead - a hitchhiker,
i stop;
i have to;
Standing in the middle of the road.
Thumb out,
not up,
not down,
just out.
It's pouring rain.
"Get in. Where ya headed?"
"I don't really know."
And so we go.
Windshield wipers flailing
furiously
not really keeping up
we sit in silence
concentrating
Together but Alone
Alone but Together
i'm driving on blindly
(almost literally)
on instinct
inching along...
and then -
flashing lights.
ROAD CLOSED
HIGH WATER
so we sit.
The hitchhiker starts talking.
The rain and their words and their tears start pouring
The thunder and their sobs and their screams start pounding
It's relentless and it's relentless
seemingly for days
we're out here on this island
isolated
Ending idling
i've lost track of time
And i listen
And i listen
And i listen
And you're no longer there.
Gone.
i imagined the whole thing
as the rain slows to a light drizzle
and then
two drops
then one
then
nothing.
i've stopped
The air is still
Steam rises from the pavement
It's like i'm in a trance
a fog
and, so
here...
we...
are...
somewhere...me and...me...
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